think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
