Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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