i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
