I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
