i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need water and some morals
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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