having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
