Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
