Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
