Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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