I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
