"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
