i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
