Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
