I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize