I think my fart just growled at me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
