I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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