So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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