Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
