I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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