VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
