All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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