Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
