my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
