just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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