Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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