Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
