Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
