Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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