if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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