Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
