Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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