OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
