She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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