I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
