I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You're like the curious george of whores
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
