so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
