I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
