I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
