Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
