Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
