where am i from again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
