Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
