he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
