My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
