This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
