Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
North Korea, Best Korea!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
