you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
