he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
