Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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