nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
