I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
