I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
