1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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