the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize