the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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