I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
