I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
