Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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