Cold hands, warm shart.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
