By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
