The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
