Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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