Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
