i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think your dad took our porno
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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