I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
