now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
