Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
