I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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