How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
