I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
