There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
