Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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