Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize