i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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