TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize