there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
