i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hippo gnu deer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
