I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
